The X Factor? More Like the Zzz Factor!


Another season of the UK X Factor has just ended and although I have always been a big fan it has made me wonder – is it time for the show to call it a day and retire?

Firstly, congratulations to Ben Haenow – this year’s winner! Such a nice guy with a great voice and everyone, including me, loved him during the series.

However, we all loved Steve Brookstein, Shayne Ward, Alexandra Burke, Matt Cardle, James Arthur etc etc but as soon as the show was over everyone soon lost interest.

Surely there is something wrong when the losers such as One Direction, Olly Murs and Ella Henderson turn out to be the real winners and the actual winners are hyped up so much that the inevitable fall must hurt so hard!

Let me try to figure out what has gone wrong and why the X Factor is becoming a big snoozefest…

The Judges

For a “music talent” show, recently it has become more about the judges than the acts themselves:

“Mel B’s husband Stephen Belafonte denies he hit his wife: Claims ‘disgusting and untrue”


What a Muppet! Simon Cowell calls Cheryl Fernandez-Versini ‘Kermit’ thanks to her green dress on The X Factor

I don’t actually care what Cheryl is wearing on her body, face or hair. Who cares if Mel B decided to phone in sick one night. As for Louis, well, he does a great job of keeping his seat warm. Simon is a very clever man so I’m sure he has already worked out that it isn’t working anymore.

The Format

Everyone has their own sob story these days – we don’t need to have 6 weeks of hearing everybody elses. Build a bridge, get over it and let’s just see if you can sing!

There’s been too much fluff and not enough substance this year and the producers have done a great job of fitting the show in between the adverts – well done on milking it like a big musical cow but you have alienated a lot of the viewing public by streeeeeethcing these shows out.

Just like an elastic band you’ve over-stretched it and now it’s about to ping you back in the face!

I always top up my wine during the ad breaks – no wonder I was always blind drunk by 10pm

The Contestants

Is it a proper singing competition or simply Saturday night entertainment? Although acts like Stevi Ritchie are fun to watch should they have a place over the likes of Janet Grogan?


I’m quite sure there are more than these three areas that need worked on if X Factor is to get back to its earlier success but it’s a starting point.

I’ve always been told “don’t come to me with problems, come to me with solutions” so here goes…


The Judges

Having a pretty body or face or “tabloid winners” are not good qualities to look for in judge. We need musical industry experts not puppets, muppets or f*** ups!

Simon knows his stuff, certainly, and Louis – despite the fact he’s an idiot – has proved that he knows what he is doing. Gary Barlow and Sharon Osbourne were brilliant too!

Advice – ditch the dolly birds!

What do you mean “sing live” pet ?

The Format

It’s tired, it’s boring and it needs a re-think. Everyone and their frog think they can sing these days but can they write? Can they play? Can they produce?

Remember Fame Academy? I loved this show! The team behind it, such as Carrie and David Grant, really knew what they needed to do to get great results!

Let’s find people with proper talent. Make them write their own songs, work with industry experts, produce and star in their own videos.

I’d much rather watch how they got on doing this on a Saturday night than see them visit their old headmaster. We could then watch and vote on the outcome on the live shows.

I think this way a true genius could be found.

Advice – okay so you can sing, what else can you do?

Lock them up until they are farting talent!

The Contestants

Yes, of course we all love seeing the Wagners, Diva Fever, Chico and all the other “fun” acts but it detracts attention from “real” talent. Why not create a new show just for these “talentless” types?

Call it the F Factor and you that way you can still keep the “talentless” judges. Stick them all in one show, stick them in the jungle, stick them up your a*** – whatever! I’d still watch!

Advice – filter out the f***wits

That’s my thoughts – but what do I know?

The last word for the X Factor in it’s current format goes to these “guys”…





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