It’s the X Factor Final! It’s Time To Party!


It’s the X Factor final and because this is my last review, I am inviting you all to join me in my front room for an uncensored blow by blow account of this year’s highly charged X Factor climax.

I can only apologise in advance for over indulging in the Vino Callapso while celebrating this auspicious occasion and I hope you won’t mind if I said stuff I shouldn’t say and if I gave the impression of being ……..well paralytic!

From Joan’s living room…

I’m just pouring myself a generous glass of Jacob’s Creek as the show starts. Dermot O’Leary comes flying down from the nether regions of the arena attached to a jet propelled aparatus – The show is being broadcast from an arena of 10,000 people and the lights display is certainly a no expense spared affair. Take That make an appearance. One of them says he thinks the X Factor finalists have an amazing career ahead of them……Okay.

Ben is up first, having travelled around his hometown on his own personal bus with cheering friends and relatives. He looks great as always and gives a solid performance of ‘Kingdom Come’. I can’t help feeling the judges are being a bit patronising towards him. ‘It’s great someone like you has got this far.’ – ie; a van driver.

Andrea is next, walking around his bus like a politician, kissing babies. He sings ‘Feeling Good’ and sounds fantastic – The song suits his voice. I don’t like his look – The suit is far too formal. Excuse me a moment while I top up my glass.

Fleur is next. We see her on the bus as well. I have to say she seems the most relaxed of them all. Being a pop star seems to come naturally to her. ‘Ceiling cant hold us’ was flawless and the dancing fantastic. Again, there is an energy to her performance. Mind you, it might be argued that all the dancers on the stage are adding to the whole thing and giving her an unfair advantage.

Wow! That went down fast. I better fill up again.

Oh, don’t you just love watching the X Factor. Oh, It’s the next round and Oh, I’m sooo excited. It’s Ben and he’s dueting with Ed Sheeran. I just love him in that white shirt – teasing us, showing a little bit of flesh by leaving it open at the top. What a handsome man. Verrry handsome. As a friend of mine used to say, you wouldn’t throw him out of bed for eating crisps. So jealous of Ed Sheeran who s getting up close and personal with him at the end of the song.

I need some more wine. I better open another bottle.

And up next it’s the Italian cutie. He’s like everyone’s favourite teddy. He’s dueting with Ella Henderson who refers to him as an Italian stallion. Yeah, I could go with that. He’s got lovely eyes anyway. Maybe I wouldn’t say no to him either.

And now it’s Fleur. That’s a lovely dress – It’s so……white and…….sparkly. I’d love a dress like that. I jus love this song. Altogether now -‘Would you let me sleep with you, you’re beautiful. I wanna see INSIDE (Ben’s shirt!)’ I love Fleur. She’s so talented……so talented.

Aaah no! Andrea is going. He……can’t be. I don’t want the Italian Stallion to be gone. Please don’t get rid of my cuddly teddy. I can’t bear it. (get it – bear – teddy bear) Oh no – I need the loo quick. I think I’m going to throw up!

It’s Sunday night – I’ve got one hell of a sore head but I’ve knuckled down to watch the final results.

Ben had the edge on Fleur when they sang their respective versions of the winning song but I was still convinced Fleur would win. To be honest, I felt she should have. But hey now, that’s the X Factor. I’m obviously not the only one who fancies Ben.

So this is Joan signing off on her X Factor blog. It’s been great fun and I hope you all found it fun too!!!!

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